I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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