but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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