I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
