Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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