I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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