everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
