dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize