just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize