my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
