Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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