Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
