My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
