she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's the barista slut.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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