I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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