i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
