i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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