just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
