tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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