I think I died a long time ago.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize