im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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