You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
