smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
