You can't motorboat a personality
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
