I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
