He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
