he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
