I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
