recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
