a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
