if i died would you start the facebook group?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
