Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
