Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
