So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
