Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
