So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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