So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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