So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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