Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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