Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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