i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
