Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
