when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had sex on a roof
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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