i think my tv is drunk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
