Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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