Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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