I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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