Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
