Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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