Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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