My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
