you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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