Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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