Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
