dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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