hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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