8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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