that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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