You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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