i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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