you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
