aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
