Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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