it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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