It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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