I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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