mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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