Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
