I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
