The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
