He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
