Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
