everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
