My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
