worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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