Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
