He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
