i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
