took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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